i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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