did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
