he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need moral support for this bender
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
