would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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