you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did i just pee glitter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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