you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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