If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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