When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
