so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
