My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
