I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
