Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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