everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
