2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize