Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
