No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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