So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
