just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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