i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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