i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
handjob tips. give me some.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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