found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
