so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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