i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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