Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
