after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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