if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
