Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
