Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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