So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
