Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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