I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days