I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE