I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh god it's open bar.