I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend