I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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