I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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