I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
