I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
