New invention idea: vibrating tampons
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
