dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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