Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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