3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
