As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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