You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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