Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
