dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
