walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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