Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
