normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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