I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
