We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
