I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
