"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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