maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
