We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
