he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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