The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
