I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
