i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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