he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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